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|||About The Girl|||
name: nancy
star sign: cancer
eye colour: blue
hair colour: brown

height: 168 cm | 5'6"
weight: 65 kg

talents:
singer, musician, writer, artist.

|||Current Favourites|||

song: Maybe Your Baby - Stevie Wonder.
chord: Dm7
fruit: strawberries

fandoms: Doctor Who, LotR (Frodo/OC and canon pairs)

Harry Potter (H/Hr, R/Lav, G/N, D/Hr(minor non-canon))
X-Men (W/R, S/Jean, Gambit/Jubilee)
The Mummy Returns (R/E, A/OC, J/OC)
Xena:WP (G/J, A/X)

The Secret Garden (Mary/Dickon)

celeb crushes: David Tennant, Anna Paquin, Johnny Depp, James McAvoy



My coding makes the World Wide Web Consortium cry. I am, however, trying to solve this problem.

Do you have a neopet?


Date: 11.9.14  Time: 12:57 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: You Are Beautiful.

I wish people could see themselves the way I see them.
I wish they knew the hunger to see not perfect faces,
But unique stories on features fresh in my vision.
Curves to cheeks I've never yet encountered,
Eye colours reflecting the myriad hues of simple reality.
I wish they could feel the joy I feel in seeing their smiles,
Or the way they gaze out a window on a train,
Or the gentle expression they give their fussing child.
A warmth grows in my soul at a rosy cheek,
Real and not covered with beauty cream.
A stubbled chin, a wild, hairy brow.
A dimpled knee, an exquisite mop of unruly hair.
And I know if I asked, many of them would suddenly be shamed
At all these things that lift my soul
But are always airbrushed away.
I wish they had the experience of what it is to record these faces,
Etching them deep within a part of the mind
I dip into when I create.
And encyclopaedia of features that I zealously treasure,
Like an OCD dragon on a hoard of gold, not just collecting
But understanding and analysing and knowing,
Glorying in every detail and thanking the Universe for its variety.
I wish they knew. I wish you knew.
I wish you felt what I feel, how glorious you all are.
I wish I could look at myself and be so generous.

Mood:  artistic

::2 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 12.8.14  Time: 11:46 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: More Arrow Liveblogging

It's getting good now...Collapse )

Mood:  good

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 5.8.14  Time: 10:26 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Meeting a HERO

ADMIN NOTE: If you happen to go through something like this, please feel free to post about it to. It just happened to me the other day and I know of nobody else that would be as ecstatic about it as other Poirot fans. Sorry if this is spammy!

I am now relaying my experience here in the city of Perth just a few days ago. It was LE AWESOME.

So, I'm out with a friend...Collapse )

Mood:  ecstatic

::5 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 5.8.14  Time: 10:21 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Arrow: Season Two

Here we go moos!

Eps 1...Collapse )

Mood:  playful

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 27.7.14  Time: 9:41 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: More Arrow Blogging...

Eps 21-23Collapse )

So. Season one. Some really stupid parts, but a few characters I got hooked onto. On to season 2! :D

Mood: bloop-de-bloooo

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 26.7.14  Time: 6:09 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Watchin' more Arrow

Because I'm sure my FB wall is filled with enough comments about Arrow and Manu Bennett for now...Collapse )

More lator!

Mood:  busy

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 23.7.14  Time: 1:29 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: More Arrow viewing...

I don't know why I'm watching this show...Collapse )

::3 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 20.7.14  Time: 4:10 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Watching Arrow.

So, I'm catching up on my "Things people are talking about and maybe I should check out" list, and I've been giving "Arrow" a look. I'm three eps down, just starting to watch the fourth episode.

Blog as I watch...Collapse )

Well, I am going to do something else for a while. I'm all Arrow'd out.

-

Mood:  groggy

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 25.6.14  Time: 9:13 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Tomodachi Life: Where-in I write dirty lyrics for cute songs

To the tune: MUSICAL

Have you ever taken two
cocks into your hole?
Did you want someone to just
To spooge right to your soul?
You don't have to choose!
There's no need to cry!
Polyamory might be for you
It might just change your life!

And that, my friends, is why I should not be allowed to play children's games.

Mood:  amused

::2 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 1.5.14  Time: 4:12 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Correcting your Face

I just got a bit of spam mail hawking fillers to "correct your features that time (blah blah aging stuff blah blah)". I thought about that word. We're often told that we need things to "correct" stuff on our faces. And then I thought, what do you correct? You correct a mistake.

Listen, beauty industry. My face is NOT a mistake. My features, my wrinkles, my spots, my sags - they are a part of my face, okay? A face that is here to emote and carry my spirit. It is NOT a mistake, it never WILL be a mistake, even when it's wrinkled and saggy and spotty should I have the good fortune of growing old. Just straight up say, "This shit is to cover up your real human features and deny yourself the humanity you have a right to own." Cause that's basically what you're selling. And most women are okay with buying that.

Mood:  busy

::4 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 27.4.14  Time: 11:12 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Stupid movies and a reflection on life.

I just watched Ruby Sparks, which really should be marketed as a psychological thriller rather than a comedy or a romantic comedy, of which it was neither. It was disturbing, terrifying, squirm-worthy and I totally hated the writer guy by the end of the movie. He was a self-centred douchebag who suffered from problems entirely of his own creation. I just wanted to hit him repeatedly. His made up girlfriend was everything he didn't deserve.

You know a character you create in a script is loathesome when the ideal girlfriend HE creates for himself dumps him. When you reach that point, you as a writer MUST realise that the character is hateful, and you must look at your story and see it for what it is, not what you want it to be. Yeah, I'm talking to the people that made this film.

Another thought I had while watching this movie is that you really would have to hate yourself to limit your life partner to the ideal person that you think you want. If you asked me what would have been perfect for me, say, five or six years ago, it would have been a very different answer from today.

Anyway, I chuckled and thought that my imagination could never create someone that makes me as happy as Daniel does. He is good for me because he is outside of my mental universe. He challenges me, nurtures me, surprises me. My brain just does not keep up with him, and I love that about him. One minute he can be sitting at the table figuring out harmonic theory. The next he'll be giggling about a dick joke.

This is why I love him, everybody.

Mood:  tired

::1 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 22.3.14  Time: 12:15 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Fred Phelps

A lot of people are saying that they're not going to dance on Fred Phelp's grave or celebrate that he's gone. They're all straight people, and I'm kind of - I'm not angry or anything, but I feel uncomfortable. There's this movement that people want to be "better than Fred Phelps" and not be a horrible human being, but I feel that it speaks over the feelings of queer people who have been deeply hurt by Phelps' legacy. I mean - he was a man that wanted people like me dead. He celebrated the death of my queer brothers and sisters. I feel relief that he is gone. I am GLAD he is gone. He is another nail in the coffin of a horrible movement and a generation of hate-filled bigots that I will pray to God go the way of the dodo. And I think we queer folk are entitled to those emotions. I am not a bad person for being glad that he's gone. And to bang on the "We're better than that drum" kinda speaks over the real pain and anguish that queer people might want to express as this man's passing. Anger is a right too. I'm angry at him, I hate him, and I'm not ashamed of those things - I have the right to feel that way when someone does the things that this man did. I'm not going to dwell on them or anything, so it's not like it's going to blacken my soul. It's a flush of lightness in my heart that the world has one less asshole threatening the life of people like me on a daily basis. I'm not going to be ashamed of that.

::11 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 13.3.14  Time: 8:03 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Margaret Olley's Legacy

So when Margaret Olley died, she requested that the contents of her house in Sydney were to be transported out into a country location where she grew up and reconstructed exactly as they were in Sydney. There was an article on the 7.30 Report about it on the ABC. There were shots of people lovingly dusting old crockery and bits and pieces before packing them away and taking them elsewhere to continue on in their existence.

And I turned and said to Daniel, "Dude, I hope I get so ridiculously famous and rich that I can leave a buttload of money and people can go through my things to recreate my house in some arbitrary location. Can you imagine it? These art buffs lovingly dusting my vibrators once they get to them?" And I laughed and laughed and laughed.

Mood:  amused

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 9.2.14  Time: 9:44 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Journalling through grief.

I miss being pregnant. I miss feeling full of something, of the warmth and wellbeing I felt despite being sick and fatigued all the time. I miss the hope and optimism I felt, the wondering of what this little life would bring to me. I miss the feeling that I would never, ever be alone again, that this little one would always need me, and I would always be there for it. I miss wondering what the baby would look like, whether it would be more like me or more like Daniel. I miss planning for games I would play with the baby, on fantasising how they would play with their cousin Leon. About how Rogue would react to the baby. About the perfect completion I would feel of me, baby, Rogue and Daniel. A family. I miss the connection to something bigger than me, the feeling of being a portal to something so incredible, so special, so wondrous, I didn't even have the words.

I miss Lenny. I miss his little "mruff" meows. I miss the heavy bunting of his head on my leg as he waited for me to feed him. I miss the heavy footfalls of his paws as he ran up and down the hall in the middle of the night in a bid to be let out. I miss the pride on his face when he caught a rat. I miss how much he loved catnip, and chicken, and first hugs of the day. I miss the way he would put his huge paw on my face, and touch his forehead to mine and purr so very loudly. I miss how he sometimes patted my face. I miss coming across him sleeping, and tracing the tawny coloured whorl of fur in the black of his tummy. I miss counting the dots on his round belly. I miss burying my face in his fur and smelling his smell. I miss being able to go outside when everything feels like it's falling apart and seeing him come out of the grass, over to my side, allowing me to hug him even though I know he hated it sometimes. I miss having my constant little buddy, who helped me through the worst times of my life.

I miss him *so* much. I miss the little one that was inside me SO much. I feel like I lost two babies one after the other. I miss feeling like a mother, a real mother.

I know I'll get through this, somehow. But I don't think I'll ever stop missing them.

Mood:  sad

::5 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 4.2.14  Time: 3:17 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: A day on the Lake.

Often Daniel and I like to go for a walk around the lake near my house.

It's a lake most of the year, and then the summer comes and it becomes a very large pond attached to swampy muddy wetlands. It's the natural rhythm of the place, and it's always interesting to see the change in bird visitors as the year goes on.

Daniel and I were sitting in the shade of a picnic table, scanning the lake for birds of interest. He was looking through a pair of binoculars. I wrapped my arm around him and thought about what we were doing.

People, of our age, both wrapped up in nature, with birds. And I thought about all the middle-aged and old-aged couples I'd seen doing the same thing as us. Often I'd hope we'd be those people one day.

Then my mind drifted to how remarkable it was that we both liked looking at birds and animals. Most people our age have no interest in that sort of thing. What are the chances we'd find each other?

I aired these thoughts to him. "Just think. Not only do we both love animals and birds and nature walks, which among our age group isn't all that common. We're also madly attracted to each other. We have amazing sex, we're happy together. We're very lucky."

"Yes we are," he replied.

I really do thank God every day for him. He is a blessing. And it's nice to have someone to enthuse about local bird species to. I don't know anyone else that would have gotten as excited about Freckled Ducks as he did.

Mood:  content

::2 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 4.1.14  Time: 6:25 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Something I posted on FB but deleted due to knowing I'd piss off relatives...

So I thought I'd post it here instead:

So apparently the Liberal Party are setting their sights onto Medicare, considering things like not covering GP visits (those pesky little things that filter out the serious stuff from the less serious stuff and keeps the ERs and hospitals relatively clear of small cases). As a woman with a disability who NEEDS her doctor's visits and could not afford to go should Medicare stop covering them, I offer a hearty THANKS to anyone that voted for the fucking Liberals. I am now looking down the barrel of some serious fucking hardship. I need to see a doctor monthly at least to a) monitor my chronic pain condition (endometriosis which sometimes needs surgery), b) monitor my medications that go along with that condition and c) deal with all the little extras that come along with having a major pain condition (IBS, urinary tract problems, migraines, etc). I am so angry and so mad about this, I barely have the words. I don't know how anyone with a clear conscience can vote for the Liberals. It's basically saying you care more about money than people's lives. I know *so* many people that are going to suffer for this, that are already suffering under the current system, and it's only going to get worse. And the government is blithely wandering Australia down the shitty road the US has been on for the past fifteen years. News flash: IT'S NOT A ROAD YOU WANT TO BE ON.

::6 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 30.12.13  Time: 9:20 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: End of Year Meme thingo

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
I passed something from my uterus. It was painful and terrible and amazing.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't do resolutions. I figure if I want to do something, I should shut up and do it. Mainly because I've never in my life kept a single resolution I've ever made on NYE. I just do what I need to.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister did. And I did, sort of, when I miscarried.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I lost my beautiful Aunt Maggie this year, and in September, my darling baby Lennon.

5. What countries did you visit?
What kind of meme assumes people have the cash to go visiting different countries? Goodness grief. I didn't visit anywhere, I am too broke.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Money. I really need some. I want to have a baby and live somewhere not entirely dreadful. Not that my current place is dreadful - it's perfect. It's just not *my* place, it's my parent's.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A lot were terrible. Waking up and my Mum tearily telling me that Maggie was gone. Holding my dearest Lennon while he was put to sleep forever, singing my song for him, "You are the sunshine of my life." Squatting in a hot bath in the bathroom, my mother nearby, crying out in agony as I passed my pregnancy. That's the bad stuff.

But I also won't forget meeting William Shatner, and how kind he was. Or how I hit it off with Margot Kidder and how much she loved my clothes and how friendly she was. Or seeing all the beautiful guys from Camelot. Or meeting the incredible, sweet, wonderful Gail Simone and her encouragement to me in my comics career.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I didn't really achieve much this year in the material sense. I got an illustration on the cover of the Continuum magazine. My work was up in a Perth cafe all year, and will be again when Frank gets a new place to set up his business. Emotionally, psychologically, I managed to overcome some pretty serious anxiety issues. I managed to get through one of the toughest periods of my life in one piece. I never gave up.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not doing enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm a woman with a chronic pain condition. The only days I wasn't in constant agony was when I was pregnant. And then, I was only in agony *some* of the time instead of all the time.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Watercolour paints.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Daniel was there for me through some tough times, even though he was going through tough times as well. Mum was INCREDIBLE. She was there for me through some seriously rough shit. She sat with me for hours in the Emergency Department at the local hospital when I was waiting to see someone about my dosage fuck up with my antidepressants. She sat with me when I was going through my miscarriage stuff. She is a hero.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Fuck me, where do I start? Fifty percent of the country for voting for Tony fucking Abbott? Really, if I start I won't stop.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Psych fees. Health insurance. Stupid purchases.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting pregnant. Meeting celebs. Art. Seeing all the new duck species at the lake near my home.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2013?
Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus. That's in a bad way.
Dance Apocalyptic - Janelle Monae. That's in a good way.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Hard to say. I hadn't been through the stuff I'd been through this year, so I was less emotionally scarred. But I was scared. This year I am mourning things, but I'm not scared anymore.
II. richer or poorer? Poorer! I am always poorer!
III. fatter or thinner? I'm fitter, that's what's important. LOL! Probably about the same size, though.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Art. Producing creative product.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying about money and family. (The last person that did this wrote that, but I'm keeping it because that's exactly what I wish I'd done less of).

20. How will you be spending the holidays?
With family, kicking back and making the most of the good times. Enjoying the company of those I don't get to see all the time, especially my big brother Paulie, who is living in Japan presently.

21. How will you be spending New Year's?
Family. Music. Drinking. Merriment.

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Yes, with my nephew Leon. Hahaha! But seriously, I am constantly falling more and more in love with my darling Daniel. We had our three year anniversary in August.

23. How many one-night stands?
None of those anymore, outside of my dreams at any rate.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Doctor Who.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I do what I can not to foster feelings of hatred, but those feelings in me have deepened for key members of Australia's Liberal Party on both a state and federal level.

26. What was the best book you read?
I finally got around to reading Sense and Sensibility. It was rad.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I finally got to hear some of Erykah Badu's work and it is amazing.

28. What did you want and get?
Is this for Christmas? An art shop gift card.

29. What did you want and not get?
There's a lot I didn't get, I didn't think about it.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I loved The Hobbit.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a family party, a small one. I turned 34. It was a lovely intimate affair.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting more art done.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Loose and colourful. Patterns and vintage. Beads, hot shoes, bringing attention to my eyes. Returning attention to my tiny middle as I had been neglecting it for some time. Remembering that I have a hot body and not putting it behind baggy clothes *too* much.

34. What kept you sane?
Love. Daniel, Rogue, Mum, fambly.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eh, just the usual suspects.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Environmental issues here in Australia.

37. Whom did you miss?
My auntie Maggie. She used to visit every weekend and I'd show here what I'd been crocheting. I haven't crocheted much since she died. Lenny. He used to give me Lenny hugs every day - big paddy paws, a little "Muff mruff mow" noise when I held him tight, his puffing purrs, his happy sound when eating, the way he'd pat my face so tenderly. I had that cat in my life, every day, for eighteen years. It is so odd to be without him now.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Tracy was awesome, she's a subscriber to my brother's Youtube channel. I like her. And Leon. OH MY GOD, LEON. What an amazing little person he is. I love my nephew more than words can say. He is so beautiful, so perfect, so hilarious. I love being with him, he heals my heart and makes me smile as if the world was brand new.


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013?
Bad things happen. Worrying doesn't stop that. All it does is reduce the quality of the good days you have, and that's no good, cause you only get so many of them.

Family makes everything better. Love can overcome just about any ill in your heart.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Just being alive, it can really hurt. And these moments given are a gift from time. -- Moments of Pleasure, Kate Bush.

Mood:  busy

::5 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 30.12.13  Time: 11:04 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Hacked?

Hey all.

Is anyone seeing posts from my LJ in Russian? Apparently someone saw that and figures I've been hacked, but I'm not seeing it on my browser at all.

--N

::9 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 28.12.13  Time: 8:19 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Old Attitudes to Sex and Women...

So I'm reading this article on buzzfeed about great literary figures who got together in homosexual relationships, and one of them says this:

Cheever wrote, “What I seem to want is a means to get my rocks off with the least inconvenience, a degree of sentimentality and some decent jokes.”

Those are his reasons for sleeping with men. If he were in front of me, I'd say, "Be real. Be honest. You like cock an assholes. You can get least inconvenience, low sentimentality and great jokes if you fuck the right woman. You can't be fagged looking for the right woman, and let's face it - you like dick. Just admit to it. YOU LIKE DICK."

Cause I know that when I'm in bed with a man, it's a laugh fucking riot. I am hilarious in bed. Though I save that for young muscular men with lots of body hair and gorgeous green eyes. Well, one particular young man. All right, Daniel.

Mood: Good

::2 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 22.12.13  Time: 12:52 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Stuff he says to me.

My boyfriend just called me an "insatiable lust monster".

I think I want that on a t-shirt.

Mood:  amused

::7 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 21.12.13  Time: 8:10 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: I am Le Gutted.

So apparently Rogue is cut from the new X-Men movie. And it seems she was barely in it at all before the cut.

FUCK YOU, BRYAN SINGER. FUCK YOU AND YOUR APATHY TOWARDS ROGUE. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND SHE IS THE FUCKING COOLEST?! SHE AND JUBILEE AND STORM ARE THE BEST X-WOMEN OUT, FUCKO.

*shakes* Good, got it out of my system.

Mood:  annoyed

::4 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 20.12.13  Time: 3:11 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Random chatting about life.

Do people still use LJ? I hope so.

I got sucked into using FB for a while cause the status messages are so easy to post and my friends that I see in day-to-day life get to see them. But I miss my online friends and the network of fandom that I'd built up before I made the switch. I miss fandom terribly.

I've still been writing fanfic while I've been gone, Xena and The Mummy mostly. But most of my writing efforts have been sucked up by my novel. I'm really working hard on that, trying to get a first draft finished. I am the slowest writer in history, methinks.

I met Gail Simone back in the beginning of the year. I didn't tell you about that, did I? We got along famously. She was at Swancon and it being such a small convention, I got to socialise with her and her husband rather often during the con and she had a lot of good things to say about my art. We did a panel together and she said it was one of the best panels she'd done in a long time, she had a great time. I met Emily Smith through the panel and I honestly think she's a brilliant artist and inker. If I had a dream team of people to work on a comic with? She would be one of them for sure.

So, I am working on the scripts for my comics too, and Carrie from Carrie and the Magnetism has had a major retooling of her character. I decided that the comic was too white, and there had been so many white blonde female superheroes that I wanted to do something a bit different. I was looking at photos of a friend of mine and as I stared at her there was something about her that inspired me. Then it was like turning a tetris piece and it falls into place just where you need it. My friend WAS the face of Carrie. And my friend is of Papua New Guinean descent. I kept the blonde hair for a lark, because a lot of people in PNG and the Pacific Islands have brown skin and blonde hair. It always gets up racist people's noses when they see it, too. And Lord knows I love annoying racist people. It'll take some research into PNG/Australian culture, as she's grown up in Aussie culture, but I think it'll make her far more interesting. There's a lot of stuff I can work into it all. I told my friend how she inspired me and she was so excited, she loves comics and she hasn't had a PNG superhero to look up to. I don't know how well I'll do, being a total cracker, but hopefully with some careful research and so forth I'll do it all some justice.

I think I'm mainly writing this post because I can't sleep. I have a sort-of-migraine thing happening and I had Coca Cola today which has left me jacked up all day. Too much sugar and caffeine, way more than I'm used to. Never again.

Well, goodnight, lovies. <3

Mood:  artistic

::7 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 11.12.13  Time: 2:27 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Minecraft Woes

Trying to get 1.6.2 mods to work on a 1.6.2 profile in Minecraft. Pasting the files INTO the version jar seems to get things to work. Dropping things in the mods folder of the separate minecraft directory for 162 does not. It is exceedingly frustrating.

Have been working on this for days. Wish I had NEVER updated to 1.7.2. I might just have to uninstall and install an older copy. SOOoo annoyed.

Mood:  annoyed

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 8.12.13  Time: 10:01 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: First post in ages, just wanted to drop something down for posterity.

Hey all.

So, a lot of shit has happened to me in the months/years since I've posted here last. I intended to take up the journal habit again as I've been very much in need of the outlet, but didn't know how to jump back in. Well, I guess I'll do it like I do the swimming thing - throw myself right into the water.

About two months ago I found out I was pregnant. About a month ago I had a miscarriage. It was a blighted ovum, and it was quite a horrible experience. I'm still going out with Daniel, life is going fairly well.

I decided to post about my experience miscarrying on a pregnancy forum. I'm also posting it here so that I can share my experience with people I know but it not being Facebook (which is full of my relatives).

Here it is in its entirety. Warning, it's huge!

My miscarriage story. Warning: Pregnancy loss, descriptions of the experience etc...Collapse )

Mood:  pensive

::35 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 6.1.13  Time: 11:57 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Romance is alive and well.

Let me tell you about my boyfriend. He doesn't like nightclubs (I don't blame him) and he's not really a party animal. He's a more sit-down, talk to people about interesting subjects kind of guy. He's not the kind of guy that effusively expresses his love and attraction to a woman. His actions speak louder than words.

We like walking around a lake near my home near sundown to look at birds, animals and plants. We're nature geeks. We weren't really hardcore before we started walking around the lake. The more we walked around the lake, the more we talked together. The better we knew each other, and the lake.

Sometimes, when we're adventurous, we go walk about the lake at night. Tonight was the perfect night for animal spotting. It's a warm, damp summer night. The moon is half-full and there are bugs EVERYWHERE.

One of the features of Australia is that it's a place full of spiders. It is fuck-full of spiders. I'm an arachnophobe, and he walked ahead of me on the trail so that if we walked through a web, he'd be the one to get the spider on him.

He went first to guard me from spiders, yo.

We're walking down the trail and off the track a bit, between two bushels about three metres apart, we see this HUGE web. There's a fucking golden orbweaver on the web as big as the palm of your fucking hand. We're both terrified.

He keeps walking first.

On our adventure we saw four frogs, numerous different kinds of crickets, a lot of spiders, and a bat. We heard birds, bats, and a variety of crickets. It was the perfect evening. It's not the sort of evening you see depicted in romance novels, or talked about in dating circles, but it was lovely, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend an hour or two with my darling man.

Mood: content

::3 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 27.12.12  Time: 9:40 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Life Catch-up Post

Hey all,

I know it's been forever since I posted on here, but I've barely been doing anything productive this year, and I wanted to post some shit before it's out.

Lord of the Rings: The Hobbit, New Doctor Who, Merlin spoilers...Collapse )

::6 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 15.9.12  Time: 11:59 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Lenny Update

Okay, so, it's not a tumour.

The lady thought it could be either fibroids or cirrhosis, but he thought it was more likely cirrhosis. She said it was a part of him growing older, that as cats age, the organs slowly wind down and stuff. She said the only treatment was drugs to keep him comfortable and around for as long as he was comfortable. She had no idea how long he'd last.

His kidneys and other organs all seemed good, however. And he put up a helluva fight when getting the ultrasound. BOY was he pissed off.

So, I don't know how to feel. Relieved? He's still dying, either way. I made the mistake of reading up on the symptoms of liver cirrhosis in cats, and they were terrible. Lenny has two of them - enlarged liver and skinniness. His blood-pressure is up and he's going blind and shit, but he can still run at a fair clip and he's quite spritely and alert. Loves his food.

I just can't believe this is happening out of the blue like this. I just took him for a check-up.

I am desperate to relax and chill out, but I feel like there's no relaxing. It's really bad. :( It's stupid cause for now? Today? Lenny is out in the yard, licking his balls, annoyed but fairly okay. I, however, haven't eaten properly since yesterday. Well, since Thursday really, and I still don't have an appetite. I don't know what to do. :(

Mood: freaking out.

::6 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 14.9.12  Time: 3:00 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Old cats die hard.

Took Lenny to the vet today for a check-up, he was looking a bit skinny in the back-end and I felt something wasn't quite right.

I was right. At first the vet thought it was kidneys or thyroid. Blood tests came back (that wait was fucking horrible) and it's neither - it's his liver. Worst-case scenario - it's an aggressive tumour, and he only has a few weeks. Best-case scenario, it's an old, inflamed liver, and he has about a year left.

Either way, I am pretty messed up, because I've had him since I was sixteen. He was there when every man I'd ever loved let me down. He is my little man, my little tiny tiger, who gives me warm hugs.

I know he's old, he's sixteen. I realised he might not have as long as Melma had (20 years). I really thought he had longer than that, though.

So, I'm at home and I don't know what to do. My brothers are here, and my Dad, all of them have absolutely no idea what to do in an emotional situation. I need comfort, and I don't know where to turn. Everyone's busy. Even my Facebook is silent. I want to burst into tears, but I don't know what's even happening.

Then there's the money. The blood tests and vet visit cost me 412 dollars, and now the ultrasound tomorrow to determine whether or not it's a tumour is going to cost 360 at most (260 at least). I don't even know what to do. I might *just* have enough in the bank, I'm not sure.

What am I going to do without my little fella? I feel like my whole world is falling apart, which is stupid, because I KNOW he's a cat, I know it's a small part of my life. But it's such a huge part of my heart.

I want to distract myself, give myself a chance to bring down my anxiety levels (which are through the roof right now) but I don't know how. I don't even know where to start. I just keep looking out the window at Lenny sleeping happily in the sun and wanting to burst into tears (but for some stupid reason, not being able to because of PTSD and shit).

I'm so sad inside. I'm so heartbroken.

Mood:  distressed

::12 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 11.9.12  Time: 7:27 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Doctor Who, Series 7, Episode Two

Spoilers within...Collapse )

::6 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 23.7.12  Time: 8:24 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Spoon level: Critical.

You ever get those weeks where you're like, "Nope, not even, don't even, I'm off the map, yo."?

This is turning into one of those weeks. Shit, it's been two months like that actually, a friend brought it to my attention that I'd been unusually quiet for two months, and I realised, "Fuck, I am not in a good mental place."

Which is really worrying cause I don't feel distressed in any way, I just feel unable to DO anything. Like it's taking all my energy just to exist, and I hate myself for not getting anything done. I really do. I mean, last week I managed to get some cleaning done, and I've been doing my walks and taking up weight training (boyfriend showing me how, I want Xena shoulders). I started all that, but I also started the pill and it's leaving me horribly moody and weird.

I've been either in a ridiculously good mood or snapping or pouty at the turn of a dime, it's so embarrassing. Thank God, my boyfriend has been very understanding. Love that man ridiculously.

Anyway, so then I hear some truly horrible shit in the news, and I just can't this week. I can't cope. If anyone on my list happens to be affected by the shooting in Colorado, I'm so, so sorry. I just about burst into tears when I heard about it, I couldn't cope. It's hard to even talk about it, cause words are so fucking trite, you know?

Then I read some pretty grim shit about global warming, and it just makes you want to hide in a hole. Which I'm trying not to do.

On the upside, I'm learning how to knit. If I can knit AND crochet, I would have learnt two new crafts this year, and that's pretty kick-ass.

I'm watching my sister go through her pregnancy, too. It's different this time, cause it's my baby sister going through all this and not a much older big sister, and one day, it'll be me (hopefully a couple of years away!). It's all so visceral and REAL somehow. It's an amazing journey, and I love planning and plotting the clothes I'll crochet/knit as gifts, and the toys I'll buy for it, and the games we'll play. Boy or girl, it is going to be in such a loving, huge, supportive family. It's one of the rare good things I'm looking forward to in life right now, something I'm really truly happy about like I used to be when I was a kid. Just seeing the ultrasound scans makes me tearily happy.

What a rambling post! LOL. This is what happens when I decide to write something when I'm both high and thoughtful and hormonal on new BCPs. I love you all, even the people I haven't heard from in ages. If anyone ever wants to comment, but worries I won't remember them, or would be unhappy that you'd comment after not hearing from you for so long or something stupid like that - I honestly don't take that shit to heart. Feel free, at any time, to drop a line, even if it's something you do for that one moment. Life is a series of blessings and good moments, I take 'em as I get 'em.

OH! I helped save a cat the other day. Some girls couldn't get their GIANT BEHEMOTH FURRY CAT OF DOOM (he was so cute) to calm down in the car while they were taking him to the vet. I loaned them my pet carrier (my only one) so they could take the cat to the vet, and I calmed them down and assured them that the wound to the cat's face wasn't too bad, that it'd heal, and that all they'd need was antibiotics for it. I was totally right. I love helping people. Seriously, it's one of those truly guilt-free, wonderful things that makes life worth living.

::7 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 27.6.12  Time: 1:20 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Nacey's Adventures in the Public Health System...

Sir Charles Gardner Hospital: Hi Nacey! Hey! You have a sleep problem? No worries, we'll trial you on this awesome CPAP machine that'll help you breathe and shit. We need monies first, a fair whack.
Nacey: Oh, okay. I'll give it a go.
SCGH: So, did it work?
Nacey: OH WOW, this is GREAT! I feel fantastic! I feel like I've finally had some actual sleep! I have energy and shit!
SCGH: Awesome! Now give it back.
Nacey: Oh... Okay, fair enough.
SCGH: Oh, and you can't get one for free like we mentioned on the flyers and shit cause your apnoea isn't serious enough.
Nacey: ... Wait. So, cause I only stop breathing *some* of the time, instead of *ALL* the time, I can't get a CPAP machine?
SCGH: No.
Colin Barnett: FUCK YOU, I'M ON A BED OF MONIES FROM SELLING OFF EVERYTHING WHEE! I GET PERFECT SLEEP, THANK YOU!
SCGH: Anyway, the best unit for you would be this one. But it's 1500 dollars. You might be able to find one that's acceptable at 450 dollars. We'll see you in October. GOOD LUCK!
Nacey: ... *Sobs*

~~*~~

It's not as bad as what people in the US health care system are dealing with, I know, I mean, shit. There are people with hernias and tumours and cancers and shit and the government is like, "*snort* I don't give a shit. Fuck off this planet for all I care." It's just that I would LOVE to be able to work at something I'm good at and take care of myself. I'm tired of not being able to take care of myself.

And I really, *really* liked that machine. God damn it. I liked being able to get good sleep. I'll miss good sleep. :( I just loathe the thought of being so tired that it hurts again. :(

Mood:  depressed

::4 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 30.5.12  Time: 11:34 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Once Upon A Time: More Rumplestiltskin fangirling...

Spoiler cut for Episode 12Collapse )

::3 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 30.5.12  Time: 6:58 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Once Upon A Time Thoughts...

Okay, so I'm watching Once Upon A Time (got sucked in this week), and I just have to say...

I know I'm supposed to hate Rumplestilskin and everything, but it's really hard when they cast someone as drop-dead fucking gorgeous as Robert Carlyle into the role. I have to keep reminding myself that he's one of the bad guys and that I should be hating him and shit but no, no. I'm like, "It's Hamish MacBeth. I will love him FOREVER."

Seriously. There will not be a day I don't love that man.

::5 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 21.5.12  Time: 11:45 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Mum Being Adorably Scottish, Pt. 1234123273217623....

"If I had an arse like that I wouldnee wear it!"

Me: LOL!

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 21.5.12  Time: 9:00 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Farewell, Robin.

Let's just say that I am really bereft about Robin Gibb. I mean, on the tails of losing Donna Summers, and even though I knew Robin Gibb wasn't in the best of ways and that things were bad for him, it's still a blow.

BeeGees were part of the soundtrack of my life in that my family and I would sing those songs together. They were perfect for families to sing together, those songs. And our family did. Again and again and we never grew tired of those songs. There was always a new challenge in them, always the striving to get it perfect, like the BeeGees sang it.

The world is poorer without Robin. I don't have the words for the sadness in my heart. Only that I'm going to miss Robin, and that the world was lucky to have him.

--N

Mood:  sad

::4 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 18.5.12  Time: 11:56 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: In Memoriam: Donna Summers

If I listed to you the times my queer ass has rocked out listening to Donna Summers, this entry would be a fucking novel. I listened to her at solid gold nights in my late teens and early twenties, I listened to her as I made my Xena costume that I went to Pasadena in twice, I listened to her when I painted my drag queen images, I listened to her when I was down, I listened to her when I was happy, I listened to her ALL THE TIME.

She was the sound of disco to me, the sound of awesome, the sound of smooth and funk and groove and YES and "THIS IS THE BEST PARTY EVER, HO MY LORDY!" She brought so much joy and glee and beauty and FUN into my life. My life would have been so less colourful without her.

I'm gonna miss you, Donna Summers. I want to thank you for all the beautiful times you were there in my life, and all the beautiful sounds and sensations your music brought me. Your music helped MAKE me, make me who I am. It's a part of the sound of my soul, I am not even lying. Darling, what is this world going to do without your fabulousness? We're going to cling to what remains and remember the SHIT out of you. I know I will.

Goodbye, God bless. Love to love you, and shall continue to do so.

<3,
N.

Mood:  heartbroken

::2 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 10.5.12  Time: 7:28 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Sleep Study.

So I had to do a sleep study last night. It was pretty much a disaster. I slept soundly from 10pm until 3am. And then at 3am - BING. Awake. Can't sleep. I lay there for an hour unable to sleep. Then I get something in my eye, and I rub at it, and I think I scratched my eyeball or something, because it STILL feels irritated. So fucking annoying. So I couldn't drift back to sleep. But I'd had a pill to get to sleep the night before, and I was dopey and tired, but I still couldn't sleep. I'm yawning now, tired, and I probably couldn't sleep cause of my eye.

I sat and yakked with the head sleep scientist doctor lady for a while cause I couldn't sleep. Guess what we talked about? You'll never guess. No really, you won't. Fifes. Tin whistles. Flutes. I have an Irish tin whistle that I bought that I couldn't really get any good sounds out of cause I was trained up as a recorder player at school. She drew me up a tin whistle note guide (or photocopied it from something she had lying around in the lab, I'm not sure). It was the oddest two hours I've ever had at a hospital. And that includes the time the nurse walked in after my laproscopy and pulled back my sheet, spread my legs, looked at my catheter and walked out again without even a "How's your Father?"

One embarrassing moment - I had wriggled free of my breath-measuring nasal tube thing in the middle of the night, so one of the sleep scientists came in to fix it. Gorgeous young thing that didn't look totally unlike Liv Tyler. She comes in with the torch, and guess what I do?

I scream. Horror movie scream. My full-on, PTSD fuelled anxiety scream. Poor woman was totally shocked. Scared the shit out of her. I felt so bad about it, I *still* feel bad.

The sleep scientist woman that helped me get kitted out, she was lovely, and we talked about cats the whole time. We'd talked about our old cats, our young cats, all that sort of thing. That lead to me having a horrible dream about being in a hospital, and there's some kind of heavy thing going down (External or internal, there was stress), and Melma (my old cat) was around, and she was sick. And this was weird cause I thought she was dead. Anyway, I put her in someone else's care while I go to the hospital in this dream. Then I find out that the hospital put her down and cremated her while I was being treated. This lead to me screaming at them in my sleep, "I didn't even get to say GOODBYE! You've RUINED THIS. FOREVER!" It was really horrible, I woke up totally bummed out and heart-achey and shit. And the worst thing, is that combined with the hangover from the sedative, I mulled over it and agonised over it, and went through the memories of getting her put down, and feeling totally bad about it (even though it was a mercy and I've totally been OVER it, from what I could tell). It's such a random, strange thing to pop up when I'm at the hospital.

Anyway, I have to go back there at 9am cause I have a Pain Management thingo. I would have stayed there for breakfast but nothing was open, and I didn't really feel like spending money on a gluten-packed breakfast when home was ten minutes away, with cats and comfies and somewhere to dump my stuff.

My eye is still fucking irritated.

Mood:  blah

::3 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 9.5.12  Time: 4:03 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Yo, Howard Carter.

I heard it was your 138th Birthday. Your discovery was incredible. I mean, by today's standards, what happened there with all the treasures being taken from Egypt woulda been seen as a terrible thing (and it was) but I still appreciate what you did. You're a legend in your field. Happy Birthday, I hope you're chillin' with Tut over some lotus wine or brandy or some shit, havin' a nice time, telling rude jokes about Ramesses II.

Mood:  content

::1 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 1.5.12  Time: 6:37 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Random Fanfic Snippet

Fandom: Star Trek: TNG
Chronology: Fourth season
Character: Wesley Crusher
Situation: Wesley at the Academy, chilling with new friends, who are corrupting him after his years on the Enterprise listening to soft jazz and drinking synthehol responsibly.

~~*~~

Wesley finished his first drink, and looked to Jamison. "That wasn't bad. Got anything else for me to try?"

"Wesley, try this one," said Jamison, putting a small shot glass in front of him. It had different synth liquors layered in the glass, and it smelled sweet and milky.

"What is it?"

"A Cock-sucking Cowboy," said Jamison.

Wesley blinked, looking up at Jamison. "Seriously?"

"It's okay Wesley, I was nervous my first time too," said Jamison, smirking.

Julie choked on the mouthful of cocktail in her mouth, and dissolved into a mess of sniggering. Eleanor just grinned.

Wes shook his head at Jamison. "You're a total perv, aren't you?"

"Yes," said Jamison.

"Okay."

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 30.4.12  Time: 9:52 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: The things they don't warn you about Crochet...

Oh wow. I just totally stabbed myself in the hand with my new 0.6mm crochet hook. It's basically a needle with a tiny hook on the end, which made pulling it out all the more joyous. They don't tell you that you might slip putting the tip cover back on your brand new steel crochet hooks, and that the ends are really pointy, and that if you jab yourself with them, they WILL sink into the flesh. Those old ladies doing filet and lace crochet are fucking hardcore, yo.

As I'm yelping and moaning, my dear, sympathetic mother said, "Oh, that looks ex-crochet-ating!" Thanks, Mum.

Mood:  sore

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 27.4.12  Time: 11:53 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: A letter to Joss Whedon...

The Avengers Spoilers lie within...Collapse )

::2 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 25.4.12  Time: 10:57 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Watching HOUSE MD

Now, I've been watching House MD (Seasons 4 and 5) to get to know a character that's in an RPG I'm in (pan-universal metaverse kinda thing). There are things I've noticed:

- House and Wilson are the most out not-out couple since Xena and Gabrielle.
- Cuddy has a fucking incredible figure and I love her.
- I really like Thirteen.
- I didn't realise how much I enjoyed having Amber on the show until she was off it. That is so weird. How did they do that?

I mean, House MD is a trashy, reality-flouting, melodramatic medical soap opera. But it's a GOOD one. It's good at what it does. It's not there to be realistic or precise, but holy fuck is it entertaining.

Mood:  amused

::4 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 18.4.12  Time: 11:42 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: 5 Acts (Erotica Meme)


1. Post a list of your five favorite acts/kinks/themes/tropes to read about. Check out THIS LIST if you need some inspiration. At the bottom, add what fandoms/pairings you're interested in.
2. Go HERE and post a link to your list. Read other people's lists.
3. Write comment-fic (or longer pieces) based off of other people's lists. Post either the fics or a link to the fic in the person's post.

Specifics under cut...Collapse )

Mood:  bouncy

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 18.4.12  Time: 3:58 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Our tribute to Robin Gibb



I'm the strung-out looking woman doing the highest harmony (the one with the glasses). The hardest harmony work I've ever had to do, and I'm including Xanadu on that one (though that might be because I didn't do that properly). First day of my period, so I'm looking less than stellar.

We're all very sad about Robin Gibb, and it was hard not to get teary-eyed while doing this. Though, it helped that my brother Paul is a goofball, and provided some laughs in the outtakes.

Mood:  sad

::1 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 17.4.12  Time: 12:57 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Sometimes I'm a literal glutton for punishment.

Mum baked a loaf of bread today. The scent of it teased me for hours. I was in a sort of odd codeine-addled torpor for most of the day due to my efforts to avoid feeling the pain of probably one of the worst periods of my life. Today I didn't sleep so much as pass out on occasion. I didn't sleep last night, either. Periods routinely fuck up my sleeping patterns like this.

Anyway, so I got up, and I saw that it was 11:50pm, Dad and Scotty never called me through for dinner and I was starving. I went to make a cheesy with gluten-free buns and lo and behold, the fuckers were moldy. That happens very easily.

I wandered over to the gluten bread, and in a moment of wistful sadness, sniffed the bag of freshly baked bread. OH LORD. There's a reason why God/Jesus chose bread to be his body. It's because, and you gluten-chompers may not realise this, IT IS FUCKING DELICIOUS.

SO I cut myself a slice, despite the fact it may bring me pain, cause I'm swollen and in agony anyway. I may as well have some joy out of it somehow. It's the size of a small surfboard and I top it with butter and OH GOD, IT IS LIKE A CROISSANT SOMEHOW. It tastes malty and sesame-ish (no sesames in it, so make sense of that) and salty and WONDERFUL. It's bursting with flavour! It's chewy and doughy and crusty and GOD HOW I MISS BREAD.

It took me a long while to get through that bread. Not because there was a lot of it, but because I wanted to make the most of it. I probably won't eat any gluten again for a while.

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 16.4.12  Time: 1:37 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Endometriosis TMI

I have spent the last two hours in horrible agony.

Details under cut, nothing too gross...Collapse )

::7 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 16.4.12  Time: 4:54 am
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Remembering Titanic.

So, on the actual night of the anniversary of the sinking, I was having a bad time and didn't really get to do much. I found myself on IMVU, on an incredibly elaborate and HUGE chat room that someone made up. I know, IMVU, it seems silly and trite, but this rebuilding from bits and bobs from the catalogue was so beautifully done, such a labour of love. And I found everyone in the room on the poop deck, dancing to music in the closest approximations of Edwardian garb as they could get. There were balloons. It was so touching, I cried a bit.

I'm not sure why. I guess because it wasn't ... it wasn't artificial. These people went to the trouble to get it all right, you know? And after talking to them, it was clear that they knew their stuff. I told them I was honoured to spend such a night with them, and I was.

I remembered my days in the 90s with my old friends; Karen, Jo, a couple of other women whose names I forget, Lisa. I still have the necklace one of the women made for me (she excelled at beading). I treasure it. I wear it on special occasions, and I know I'm wearing a real work of art. It features in self-portraits, it's a part of me now.

Tonight, my brother and I got around to doing what we anted to do on Saturday. We watched our favourite Titanic movie, "A Night To Remember." Beautiful. Even in black and white, with models and what-not, it makes me cry at the end. It was fucking good writing, and good acting, and thoughtful juxtapositions. The newer Titanic is so overwrought and distanced compared to this one. I guess because mostly Americans made that one, and in this one, the Brits made it, and knew their own people better.

Of course, don't make me choose between the Thomas Andrews. Both were really gorgeous, and I couldn't choose, not really. Victor Garber, the other guy, they can Eiffel Tower me. (Well, one's gay and one's dead, so you know, in my dreams).

I remember the first memory I have of hearing about the Titanic. I was a wee little one, and it was mentioned in the Ghostbusters movie. The next time, I read about it in a book of unexplained mysteries, where it brought up the novel, "The Wreck of the Titan" (Or as it was known then, Futility? Sommin' like that, I'm too fucked on codeine to remember correctly). I thought that was so eerie. The eerieness lead me to read about the real story, and the real tragedy is what pulled me in to stay. Also, being a lover of boats and grand designs, the Titanic itself seemed like a lost treasure to me. What a beautiful ship. There are a lot of flashy cruise ships in the world these days. I think the QEII was the last of a particular class that Titanic was a member of. The only ones even close to that are Dutch, of all things (I'm serious, they build beautiful cruise ships).

This post doesn't have much of a focus (it's the drugs, as I said), but I wanted to commemorate this time. It's huge. The sinking of the Titanic was one of those moments that changed human consciousness. Humanity was getting so damned cocky with the Industrial Revolution. It was a giant slap in the face, a reminder that one single thing in nature, one tiny swat of Mother Nature's hand, and we were a mess again, back to basics, scrabbling for survival. I think that's a powerful message, and I think that's why Titanic's story is so powerful to us. It's not just the loss of lives, or the irony, or the disbelief of it all.

It's the fact that we thought we had the ocean licked, and the ocean, fierce, unpredictable force that she is, reminded us who's boss. We were so fucking sure, we thought we were king of it all.

Anyway, I lift a glass of fizzy drink to those lost, to those still haunted by its loss, and to the most beautiful liner to ever grace our oceans. God bless her, and all who sailed upon her.

Mood:  mellow

::3 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 10.4.12  Time: 6:05 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Pelvic Ultrasound....

[I'm on my way out the door to get a pelvic ultrasound, turn to my brother Scotty]

Me: I'm off to have a pelvic ultrasound. That involves something very uncomfortable being stuck up my unmentionables.

Scotty: ... What? A Richard Dawkins bobblehead?

Me: ... [pisses herself laughing]

Mood:  amused

::1 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::



Date: 31.3.12  Time: 4:25 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Random observation while watching House:

Cuddy has a phenomenal ass. I'm serious. In one scene, she stands up and walks away from house, and she's wearing this tight white skirt. Most people look terrible in those skirts. She looked like God-damned Aphrodite. It was like a ripe plum, damn it.

/pervy observations

Mood:  high

::whisper in my ear::



Date: 19.3.12  Time: 4:54 pm
Security: Public
Watchoo talkin' bout, Willis?: Hell is...

... having a UTI and your periods at the same time.

I am in so much pain right now. :( :( :(

Mood:  sore

::9 murmured sweet nothings in my ear:: - ::whisper in my ear::